The Heart Connects All (2024)

Participant of GOI Peace Foundation International Essay Contest 2024

The Heart Connects All

(Written by Jasmine Tan Sze Min)

Kenzoku is a Japanese term that defines family, but is similarly used for a

friendship as intimate and close as one.

A friendship can only bloom the brightest after overcoming its season of harsh

winter, the time when living beings burrow behind doors to keep warm. It was the

season of muted colours, cold limbs and struggling breaths. When the sparks of

a beginning friendship fell away to the reality of conflicts, anyone would find

themselves facing hardships.

There is one friendship that survived ten years of enlivening spring and

death-rattling winter: my best friend, Lydia and I.

To begin simply, we were two polar opposites. I was ruled by the mind and she

was ruled by the heart. Together, we made a strong team. My clever wits and her

great empathy combined could build a powerful presentation that captivated both

people’s minds and hearts. Our friendship chemistry also aided in a quick

understanding of each other’s thoughts and feelings.

However, our friendship would also inevitably meet conflicts.

It all happened during the year of our national exam.

As exam days inched closer, I became preoccupied with those paper grades.

With excellent scores, I could fortify my future through a scholarship that would

save me from paying heaps of university fees. However, my preoccupation led to

neglecting my friendship. Whenever Lydia brought up our issues, she was met

with my logical solutions and stoicism. I became indifferent towards her in order

to keep my concentration.

Slowly, our friendship became bumpy. Our different opinions clashed like ice and

fire. Unease brewed between us as we settled into passive aggressiveness and

cold wars.

One day, she spoke again, “Can we talk?”

Our personality conflict had festered with tension between us. However, I could

not always avoid it. I finally nodded, though my chin lifted defiantly, my ego and

self-protection up like a wall. Deep inside, I feared that being vulnerable would

distract me away from performing my best during the national exam.

“Remember that day when I struggled with organizing our classroom files and

both of us were the only ones in class? If I were you, I wouldn’t just leave my

friend to do all the things by herself. I would go up and help because she should

be able to count on me as a friend… but then again, maybe you were too busy

and I was asking too much. ” She smiled sadly.

My wall of ego flattened. She needed help, but I had just left after finishing my

part. I had shut her off to avoid more disputes.

If it were the other way around, she would’ve stayed for me despite our conflicts.

Because like the term, kenzoku, we were close like a family. No matter the

hardships, you stay together as a team.

“Sorry, that was my fault,” I admitted guiltily.

We made up again after a long, truthful talk. My dismissive attitude had not

comprehended how hard my best friend was going through behind the scenes.

Unlike academics, friendship conflict wasn’t solved just by giving a solution. It

needed compassion and an open heart to listen and understand.

From this experience, I learned to cultivate compassion – a valuable and

necessary trait – in my upcoming relationships. Erin Niimi Longhurst’s book,

Omoiyari: The Japanese Art of Compassion, has mentioned putting yourself in

another’s shoes and acting in consideration and empathy to preserve a

harmonious community.

In today’s capitalism, one can be easily swayed by external values such as

riches, authority, and title. Some would resort to violence, force, or intimidation to

overpower others, often resulting in detrimental effects like war, poverty,

inequality, environmental pollution, or corrupted politics. Such means become

non-fulfilling in the long run. When someone has to suffer for our benefit, how can

we still create equality and peace?

Although a great mind can help a leader go far, it is a great heart that makes the

difference. A compassionate leader is like the tower light to a rocking ship in the

stormy seas, leaving an inspiring legacy in the pursuit of peace. Therefore, I

hope to bring more compassion to the competitive society to shape a healthier

and more harmonious community.